Loose Ends VI

Now that I have finally severed all the remaining loose ends of my previous relationships, I can say that I feel lighter, happier, better. It was painful at first because it meant letting go of people who used to matter to me. But I had to bear all the pain in order to free myself from all the emotional burdens that had been weighing me down.

Part of the fix is acceptance. I admit that one of the reason why I really messed up the past year was my lame attempt to save my relationship with Jirah, a former colleague I fell in love with while I was living with my best friend. During those times, I was really confused. Given the fact that I was still new to a guy-to-guy relationship, I didn’t know what to do when there was a natural tendency to get attracted to the opposite sex. I couldn’t bear the idea of falling for her when I had my best friend to come home to at the end of the day, so I had to make a tough decision.

I chose my best friend and left my job believing that it would make everything alright. I didn’t have a hard time finding myself a new job. Eventually, I got used to my new life, new environment, new friends. But the loneliness caused by Jirah’s absence started to eat me up inside. She was always in my mind. The memories of how she made me happy became the constant cause of my loneliness and indifference toward life.

The day came when I realized that I couldn’t go on like this forever. My best friend was also suffering each time I destroy myself because of sadness but he didn’t give me up. He could have just let me go and I could have pursued Jirah instead of him but the fact that we sticked together through the hard times only proved we loved each other. His support was one thing that kept me alive and reminded me that there are better things waiting for me.

After some time of struggle, I can say that I am slowly getting on the right track. First, I was able to end whatever it was between me and Jirah. I told her that I no longer have any plan of going back to the company unlike my original plan when I was still crazy over her. She also accepted my apology for all the trouble I had caused her and told me that she wanted only the best for me.

The best part is that I already have a new job. In fact, I am already done with the first week. Our Product Training will start on Monday and I really can’t wait to write and let you guys know my good fortune.  ∩_∩

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