With each passing day, I feel more and more distant from all the things that used to matter to me. This may be the reason why it has become so easy for me to leave things behind. I have abandoned three jobs already. And it’s been my sickness to unfriend people whom I’ve never considered as friends, even blocked those people I have long considered as friends but failed to reciprocate my attention.
I have been trying to untangle my life by cutting loose ends which I know would just cause me pain. But with each new connections that I’m trying to create, I still can’t help but feel like drifting farther and farther away from the things and people I love.
It is no longer a secret that I am living my life with another guy. I love him but there are times before that I also felt strongly attracted to the opposite sex. The most significant one was with a girl I met and became one of my team mates in my previous company. I knew the very first time I saw her that we could be together if only I was free. She was the only girl able to turn me on after a very long time. But of course I didn’t tell her that.
I loved each moment that we had together. Breaks. Lunches. Our long walks out of Eastwood City after the shift. The way she enjoyed our small talks and my music. For months we were that way. I thought that I was happy only to know that loneliness was already eating me up inside. I still loved her but I could never be a perfect man so I kept everything to myself.
The time came when I had to leave my job because of some complications. I wasn’t even able to say to goodbye to her. The love I had inside me died just like all the dreams that I had. I tried to reconnect with her last month by sending her a message and friend request on Facebook (I also abandoned my old account after the resignation). She replied telling me that she’s fine and that I should grow where I planted. But she never accepted my request.
Two weeks ago, I tried to visit her page again and was surprised that she’s already in a “Complicated” relationship with someone. It didn’t affect me that much because I am quite happy with how things have been going for me and my best friend. It’s just a waste because I needed to do it again. And dang it was painful.