July 28 2010 I wrote:
Being back in blogging after five months of struggling with myself whether to stop writing or keep trying is such a relief. At the same time, it feels like coming home again after a very long journey. This is true in a lot of ways because even if i still can’t consider myself to have done and gone far enough, life has already taken a lot of twists and turns, leading me to places I’ve never been before. And that would not be possible if not for a friend who unexpectedly changed my life by making me realize who I really am and where I am possibly heading to.
That was my first attempt to bring back my blogging career under another name. The blog lasted just for a day because i realized the name was so lame and stupid. I tried think of another name for my domain but my effort to regain my momentum was futile. Many things have happened. There were things worth writing about but it was I who felt worthless. In the end, I was able to convince myself that it may not be the time yet. Several months passed when I finally made up my mind and wrote again.
November 9, 2010:
Getting back into writing after almost a ten-month hiatus had been a real pain for me. If not doing the thing you love most is painful enough to bear, then the feeling of not knowing when (and where) to start is an excruciating torture. Nevertheless, I don’t have anyone to blame but myself because it was my fault that I’ve always been starting over.
I was already convinced that it would be the last. I had a cool blog name. I had a job. And there was my bestfriend. Everything was fine until one night. An explainable sadness hit me. Suddenly, it was if all the happiness and hope in the world were gone. I tried to write but it just worsened everything.
The next day, November 20, I ended the blog with a short note:
My apologies. I need to stop this illusion before everything is too late. Thanks to those few people who have been part of my blog’s brief life. I will write again when my perspective of things comes back.
And here I am again.